Thursday, November 30, 2006

Weird dream about Plymouth

You might think I dreamed about Plymouth because of the Pilgrims and Thanksgiving but actually it's a place I like to visit. I've been there many times.
In this dream, I was going by myself and it was August 1. The route I was taking doesn't exist in this world. At a certain point, the highway splits into two (like it does with 95 and 495 to go to Mohegan Sun, except this was in a city) and as I took the right-hand path I allowed myself to get excited. Seems that whatever was to the left-hand fork I went to more often.
As I drove, I started to think that maybe I should have called and confirmed my reservation. Although it's never happened to me in real life, in the dream it seemed like the last time I came to Plymouth by myself my reservation was lost and I was only allowed to stay one night, and the other hotel I was moved to wasn't adequate and I came home. And I realized as I drove that I made this reservation with the same phone call as the lost one.
I parked my car. An astrologer I know came to greet me. In real life she lives in Hartford and doesn't work for any kind of hotel. She was picking up a whole contingent of guests for the hotel. She looked surprised to see me and asked if I had a reservation. I told her I did but she frowned in such a way that I knew she hadn't seen my name on the guest list for that day.
We started walking. I realized that although I had my purse, I had left my luggage in the car, which meant I'd have to walk this long path again. (Not sure why I couldn't drive to the hotel--the Plymouth of my dreams had NOTHING in common with the real Plymouth except its name and the fact that it was on the shore.) We paused for a break by the water, and I walked down a steep path to get to the water, and then another woman and I went out on some rocks because we saw a horse swimming. (Yes, a horse.) On the way back I found this beautiful, perfect shell, a little smaller than my palm, like a mini conch. Janet said the guides (like her) weren't allowed to go into the water and take things. I said, "But can I have it?" I was turning it around, making sure it had no hermit crab or snail inhabitants, which it didn't seem to. She explained that it could have something living in it, and I said it didn't, and could I take it since I wasn't a guide? She never did answer me and I think I took it.
As we were walking, I started thinking about calling Will and telling him there might be a problem, but I decided to wait until I got to the hotel and found out if there really WAS a problem or not. I got to talking with another person heading for the hotel and when I started to pay attention to my surroundings again, they were strange. We were in an obviously very poor neighborhood, heading up a steep hill. The pavement was broken. It was some kind of slum. A dog ran up to me and tried to bite me. It was a yellow dog of some kind. Its owner came up to me and said he was supposed to put the dog to sleep because it had worms but he loved the dog and couldn't bear to have it killed. I said something to the effect that the dog didn't seem to be suffering, and just then the dog fell and had a terrible seizure. The guy explained that was the worms and then we were past him and his dog. I went up to my astrologer friend and said, "Are we taking a shortcut?" and she looked around and saw we were lost.
Now logically, even in the dream, I knew if we back-tracked we'd get to the shore or to a familiar road. But she said she couldn't, we had to go forward. We came to a dead end with a big building which was a police station. We went inside and explained our predicament. The police said they would have to take us into custody until someone from the hotel could come and get us. Basically they were putting us in jail. They wanted to confiscate, I mean, put aside and protect, all of our luggage, they wanted our credit cards and our driver's licenses. I got angry and upset (and secretly glad I'd forgotten my luggage). I tried to call Will at work, home and his cell and he didn't answer. The cop was asking me for my phone. (Now that I think about it, I should have just called the hotel!) He said I couldn't make non-local calls. I was just about to shut my phone when I saw the name "Amanda" on my list. I do know this Amanda (although she goes by initials, not her name) and she lives in Florida, not Massachusetts, but in the dream she lived one town away from Plymouth. I called her and evaded the cop. She was amazed that I called her and concerned when I asked for help. I tried to explain where I was. I went outside, followed by the angry cop, and looked around. Down the hill toward the shore I could see a brand-name hotel (Hilton? Not sure). I told her I would wait for her by that hotel and she said it would take a while for her to get there. I went back inside and found my astrologer friend and explained that I was getting a ride. They were "booking" the hotel guests into jail and taking their stuff. Everyone was very upset. (It also seemed like the group was all women, mostly elderly.) My friend said without a map I wouldn't find my way to the other hotel but I didn't care, I was going anyway.
Unfortunately that's all I got of the dream before waking up. 1 Manik 0 Mac

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

things seem to be going badly

Lately it seems like I keep getting whacked with the friendship stick. Have you ever been whacked with that stick? It goes like this.
A friend comes up to you and tells you how much s/he adores you, more than anyone in the world, and how s/he truly understands you and "gets" you.
This makes you feel good. Special. Loved.
Then comes the stick: "Because I love you so much, I am going to tell you the truth about you..." which is followed by a recitation of just how horrible a person you are, your selfishness, your greed, your apathy, your voice, your looks, your mode of dress, your cheap shoes, your bad haircut, your lack of education and poise....etc.
Yes, once in a while someone does appear to just like me without telling me I suck. But when someone tells you that YOU suck, it's really the opposite. They are trying to suck the joy out of you.
I don't feel like there's a lot of joy in my life right now. I have to struggle to find it and when I do, I can't keep my focus on it. 6 Cauac 12 Cen

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

S.A.D. and sadness

It's tough not knowing if what's going on in my head is real or chemical. I know I've got Seasonal Affective Disorder so is my current deep depression part of that, or part of something else?
I feel extremely socially isolated. Things keep happening which reinforce this. For instance, I tried an experiment. I didn't email any of my friends to tell them what I was doing or working on, and asking them what they were doing. And guess what. No one emailed me to ask me what was going on or offer information on their lives.
I broke off a friendship which has been going badly, and that ended badly, which is always sad. But I just can't take people beating me with a stick labeled "friendship" and claiming it's for my own good. Being told negative things about myself isn't for my highest and best. It just makes me feel worse and reinforces my pain and feelings of separation.
In spite of all the calendar work and other things I've been doing, I don't feel like a useful member of society right now. I don't feel like I contribute to anyone. My blogs get traffic, but few comments--same with my web site. People tell me my work is great, but they don't buy anything from me.
I met a woman this weekend who said I am a "light master" which is just another title, right? I try to spread light but no one wants to open their eyes and see. I don't know why I have to make that into my problem and my failure, but I do.
I have an idea for a series of Mayan/Aztec inspired mandalas. Maybe doing some artwork will calm my sad soul. 5 Etznab 11 Cen

Saturday, November 11, 2006

another confusing calendar bit: 4 Ollin vs 4 Ahau

Okay, the centerpiece of the Aztec sun stone (Calendar stone) is 4 Ollin (earthquake/movement) which corresponds to 4 Caban in the Tzolkin. In 2012, 4 Ollin/Caban is July 31, which is in the Long Count. The 13th Baktun is 4 Ahau, on 12-21.
I mean, a difference of 5 months, when calculated by hand from the past, isn't that big of a deal. If the 13th Baktun started on 4 Ollin (or the 12th ended on 4 Ollin) that would be different.

Precession, 2012 and confusing math 8 Lamat 1 Cen
I'm writing my NaNoWriMo novel, which involves (in no particular order), Deep Ones, a meteorite crashing into Earth, 2012, the Mayan/Aztec calendar, magical stones from outer space, Grand Cayman, Salem, New Haven, and a little more. (Hey, they say write about what you know)
I took a break to do some Mayan calendar calculations for a discussion two characters are having about the Long Count. (I'm SUCH a geek)
Now the 13th Baktun is supposed to signal a new world age.
Depending on who you ask (which culture) we've been through a varying amount of world ages, each one destroyed different (flood, fire, jaguars, etc). The 12-21-2012 end date points to another destruction of earth. (Which I don't believe, but for hte purpose of my novel I do.)
The beginning date of the first baktun is way back in 3114 BCE, in either September or August depending on which calendar you use, Gregorian or Julian. That's 5125 years ago.
Now the 2012 sun rising through the Milky Way and being reborn thing, as laid out in Maya Cosmogenesis by John Major Jenkins, postulates, as the earth wobbles (precession, a 26,000 year cycle) the sun will rise through the Milky Way 4 times, once on each Equinox and Solstice. This, being the Winter Solstice, marks a new beginning.
That's great. Except that 5125 times FOUR isn't 26,000. It's 20,500 5125 times FIVE is closer to 26000 (25625)--the actual precessional cycle, according to Wikipedia, is about 25,800 years.
So it's great that the 5125 fits so neatly into doesn't fit into the whole solstice/equinox thing. Either the ages are born every time the sun rises through the milky way on one of those four dates, making 4 ages per precessional cycle, or there are five ages per precessional cycle, which means the galactic alignment of 2012 means absolutely nothing.
This is troubling to me. I may go back and skim JMJ's book and see what he says; if he doesn't note the discrepancy I'm going to write to him. My friend John has his email address. (c)

Monday, November 06, 2006

Switched to Blogger Beta

I just switched over to Blogger Beta and not all my sidebar information translated well. I'll fix it eventually. Should be writing. NaNoWriMo looms.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

a visit from a beloved friend 1 Imix 14 Zac

When I woke up this morning and opened my eyes, Zen-zen was lying on my pillow with his paws tucked underneath his chest. His eyes were half closed. The sun shining on his black fur made it look red-brown, the color of Pepsi. He wasn't purring at first, but like he always did, knowing I was looking at him, he started a very quiet whole-body purr. He was in perfect profile, showing his round Siamese shaped-head, so different from Nutter's.
I looked at him for a few minutes but when I started to cry I closed my eyes and when I opened them again he was gone.
Just like he has been for 3 months and 3 days, since he had a heart attack and died.


Friday, November 03, 2006

shamanic dream

Last night/this morning I dreamt of being a shaman, of working in a group with other shamans, each of us having our own task, each of us part of a larger whole, like the cells that make up a body.
I lived in a different house, or maybe I was staying there, and we did a healing ritual for Nutter, my white cat (who is not sick in real life, just very very sad that he still can't find his best friend, who died on August 1). After the end of the ritual, I was in a different room, and I saw/heard the back screen door open. I looked outside and there was Nutter. (Nutter hates outside. He has agoraphobia. Sometimes he goes outside by mistake, when the door isn't latched, and basically howls and hides until he's "rescued") I called to my husband to come and catch him (not sure why I couldn't do it) but when he went out there Nutter ran up a hill and into some woods. I looked inside the room where I was watching from the window and there was Nutter in the room. It wasn't him outside at all. I called to Will but he didn't answer me.
The other shamans left. My old friend Beth Jake (not my new friend Beth Jac--well that's confusing) came over. I started telling her how I used to work for Godsmack as Sully's personal assistant. She asked me if I was pregnant and I said my job wasn't to have sex with him, although I had seen him naked. She didn't believe me. She wanted to do a ritual to save some fish, but the other shamans weren't around. I thought I could handle it by myself, playing all the parts. The fish were in a small bowl or large glass. We started the ritual but we kept getting interrupted. Then the water in the bowl started to bubble like it was boiling and the fish floated to the top. I wanted to move them to another glass. There were lots of glasses lined up but I couldn't tell if the water was clean in them. I had to make a choice that might doom the fish. Then I saw another glass but something was going on with the water, some kind of mechanical churning. It was plugged in. I followed the cord into another room so I could unplug it and put the fish in there, but instead of being plugged in, it was hard-wired. Somehow I knew (the other) Beth's husband Scott had done the wiring. I touched the wire and got a shock so I couldn't disconnect it. By then all the fish had died.
Interesting dream to have on the last day of the Tzolkin.

End of Tzolkin 13 Ahau 13 Zac

Today is 13 Ahau and another Tzolkin ends. Time to finish up all those minor little projects, wrap up all your loose ends, and say all your goodbyes. It's the last intention portal. Tomorrow the manifestation portals begin. Everything changes as we move down another loop of the spiral toward 12-21-2012 but at the same time everything seems to stay the same.