Thursday, October 23, 2008

Zeebo :(

Zeebo just died. I don't know what happened. I changed his paper and he was there, alive, I went to feed him and he was dead in his box. He was 15.
This is a picture of him being fed by his mama, who died in 1994, with his brood-mate who I called "yellow" because it was the only baby Scarlett and Lancelot ever had who had any yellow on it.
I wonder if any of Scarlett and Lance's 9 children are still alive. I guess I'll never know. Lance is 20 but now he's alone in the cage and he'll be very unhappy. He hated Zeebo but at least they were companions.

Religulous & thoughts on the afterlife & Nutter

Nutter is gone. :(
It turns out he never had cancer. He had a cyst in his lung. In September, it burst, flooding his chest with fluid so he couldn't breathe or eat. We had his chest drained and got him an appetitite stimulant, and he ate and seemed really happy and like his old self for a few days, but the fluid started to come back and he stopped eating again. He wouldn't even eat the Nutri-Cal paste that he loved so much. We brought him to the vet again and got the appetite stimulant but it didn't work. He was just lying on the floor crying. It was awful. So the next morning (Saturday 9-27) I sat down with him and told him he was going to see Zen by noon, and that we were taking him at 11:30. At 11:30 I was in the bathroom getting ready and Nutter walked into his carrier and looked at me as if to say "let's go."
He was down to 6 lbs from his top weight of around 11 (never a big or fat cat). He laid peacefully on the table at the vet and didn't flinch or cry out or struggle. I had my hand on him and he was gone between heart beats. He was ready to go but oh how I miss him and the silly things he did. The trick he did for food, the way he would meow at me without making noise (just opening his mouth), the way he would attack people's feet when he was happy to see them, how he liked to jump onto Willy's shoulder and headbutt his face...what a silly, goofy, boy our Fluffernutter the Wondercat was.
I lost my job the same week Nutter was so sick, and my last day was last week. So that's been really hard too. I hate not working, being home alone, having no money. If I had money, I could buy things to fix up the house with, to organize all our stuff, etc. But I'm trapped here, can't even go out to eat. All I can do is write.
I did got to the movies this week, to see Religulous, Bill Maher's documentary on religion. It was enlightening and it made me realize something.
When I think about the afterlife, there is no god there.
I see green fields and stone walls and trees and buildings and people and animals, but there's no god, no angels, no harps. No 72 virgins. No prize, no punishment. Just peace.
I see my dad in the Elsewhere bar, hanging out with everyone who had Alzheimer's and dementia in life, all their memories regained. It's a dark place, crowded, with the music a little too loud, and the door opens way too frequently to let someone new come in. The bartender isn't god, he's just whoever felt like pulling pints at that moment.
NaNoWriMo starts in a week or so. Beside looking for a job, that's my focus. And cleaning the house. Which I hate. So I'll be writing a lot! My NaNo blog is over at LiveJournal (I don't know why).