Sunday, July 09, 2006

abandonment issues & Vegas debacle

I've been feeling very abandoned and alone lately. I'm not sure what it is I have to work through or why I have to go through this.
One of my best friends, Joyce (LadyHawke) is retiring and moving to Louisiana as soon as her house sells. We are concocting a business together where she will make clothes for full-figured women which I will model and we will sell on my website which will force us to keep in touch. So I'm sad about that and trying to spend as much time with her as possible while she's still here.
My best friend (and I want to put that in quotes) has her almost 2- year old and she's really got no time for me anymore. Last week I actually saw her 2 days in a row--she came to my cousin's stag party and the next day her and her husband with their daughter and her husband's friend came over to kill the keg with Will. But she blew off my birthday party a couple of weeks before that and yesterday I left her a message that it was my birthday, Will's in LA with Tom and I didn't want to be alone and she didn't even call me back.
Will's in Los Angeles with his brother for 2 days (coming home tonight) and I was sad to be alone on my birthday.
The Vegas wedding thing was a disaster of epic proportions, leaving me literally in tears. I hated the fact that my husband was best man, knowing that meant he'd be occupied doing manly things and wedding things and manly wedding things and leave me alone. My cousin vehemently denied this, and also reassured me that I WOULD eat the food at the reception and I WOULD NOT have to sit alone and eat said food because there'd be no head table and no segregation of the wedding party from the wedding guests.
One word.
We got to Vegas late Tuesday night (early Wednesday morning). Wednesday afternoon Will had to leave for several hours do get the tuxes (his didn't fit right; he blamed me) and do wedding crap. I went shopping in the hotel mall by myself.
Thursday he had to go to the wedding chapel several hours early do whatever it was they needed to do. My cousin told me to be at the chapel at 3:30 (4:00 wedding) and I got there around 3:25 (it was a long walk, alone, and I didn't know how long it would take). I was left sitting there in the anteroom even after greeting the bride and her party AND the groom and his party. Only when more guests arrived and ALSO talked to me was I given leave to enter the chapel with them. Not that the wedding parties were in the chapel so what was the difference?
After the 7 minute (I timed it) wedding more pictures had to be taken, etc, and most of the wedding guests were smoking in the hallways (you can smoke EVERYWHERE in Vegas-hotel rooms, casinos, restaurants) so I told everyone I'd start walking to the reception. I figured they'd catch up but they didn't even though I had to stop and sit a few times.
When I got to the restaurant they wouldn't let me in. I was literally told to "go take a walk" even though the reception was supposed to start at 5:00 and it was 5:08. I took out my phone and called Will and left him a message while standing right in front of the hostess, saying "They won't let me into the restaurant for the reception." Then I went to a nearby bench and sat to wait. Eventually Will called and asked where I was. No one had told him I walked ahead and the hostess didn't tell the other guests that she had turned me away (but no one else was turned away). I told him I was sitting on a bench in between the Luxor and Mandalay Bay. He came to the doorway and the hostess helpfully pointed me out. I wanted to smack her. She knew she turned me away. She knew I was sitting there. Yet she told no one I was there or that she had sent me away to take a walk. So there was problem #1 with the reception.
I went into the restaurant and followed my husband to sit with him. I was immediately and firmly directed to the farthest away corner of the table and told that was my place. (I keep forgetting that although Dennis is my cousin, that his parents don't consider me family even though my dad lived with his mom as her foster brother and is her first cousin)--so as "not family" of course I'd be placed in the seat of dis-honor far far away. Problem #2.
I sat down in my corner and picked up the menu card. The top of the card said in big mis-spelled letters CONGRADULATIONS and went on to be grammatically incorrect in many other ways. Including the 3 food choices, none of which I would eat. Garlic-crusted chicken--too much garlic makes me nauseous. Fish-never eat it. Veal-never eat it. Problem #3.
My husband walked by me without saying anything, with the wedding party, heading god-knows-where. I looked at my lonely seat. I looked at his seat far away. I looked at the menu card with its unappetizing choices. I put down the card, picked up my bag and walked out of the restaurant. I had to practically chase down my husband to tell him I was leaving and not returning. He didn't get it. My cousin was baffled--I didn't like that food? Why not?
I was very calm. I did not throw anything. I did not shout. I did not cry. I did not make a scene. A few years ago I would have done all of those things but I'm trying not to be dramatic anymore. I went back to the room and waited for my husband to call me. I couldn't get it through his head that I wasn't going to sit ALONE in a restaurant that had denied me entry and not eat the food.
At 11:00 he called me and said he was in the restaurant bar drinking and he'd be home in an hour. I reminded him that I needed to be at the airport at 4:00 a.m.
At 2 a.m. I woke up alone in the bed. I called his cell and it was turned off.
Then I got a little irrational. I know I still have all kinds of crap in my head based on my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me and beat me up and lied to me and certain things trigger it and it's like a truck with no breaks going down the hill. Although I was exhausted from crying and not sleeping properly for several days and I had to be at the airport in 2 hours and my legs were already aching beyond belief from all the walking, I got dressed and walked all the way back to Mandalay Bay (down the long hallway, down the slanty elevator, across the casino, up the escalator, through the mezzanine level and across the mall) to the restaurant and found it--surprise--closed and shuttered and dark. No wedding reception. No drunken wedding party. No one.
I called my cousin's cell. It was turned off too.
I walked back into the Luxor and went through the casino to the sports book because I know you can't have a cell phone on in there and I also know my cousin was betting on sports that day. It was dark and empty. I couldn't face walking back to Mandalay Bay and looking for their sports book area.
Of course when my husband finally came back everything was my fault. I ruined the wedding. I spoiled it for everyone. (Yup--they hadn't noticed when I wasn't there at the restaurant to begin with so I highly doubt they cared that I was gone. I did note that except to ask me what I was doing in the chapel so early the bride DID NOT SPEAK TO ME at all while we were in Vegas.) What is my fucking problem with always having to know where he is? (He never did tell me where he was.) Yaddha yaddha yaddha, with me crying and him angry and drunk. A beautiful scene.
And then he carried my bags to the cab and sent me home and went to LA without me.
Yesterday for my birthday I didn't want to be alone so I called a bunch of my friends and left a message that basically said, "Hey, it's my birthday today and Will's in LA with Tom and I don't want to be alone come over tonight around 5 or 6 and hang out with me."
I spoke to 3 people and left messages for everyone else. Of the three, one said no, and I was fine with that, because it was last-minute. Of all the messages I left, only ONE person called me back. I can't imagine one of my friends--any of those people I called--leaving me such a message and just blowing it off. At the very least, doesn't common decency compel you to call back and say "Happy birthday, I wish I could make it but I have plans"?
So only 2 people came to hang out. We waited until 7 and when it seemed no one else was coming we went out for pizza.
Happy birthday to me.

1 comment:

Sayido said...

Well late reading your blog, kick him to the curb, and get the best lawer his money can buy, pay for it up front.
Go to events on your terms for now on, and Happy Belated Birthday.