Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

4 Ollin, or the end of the world, is Thursday


Thursday is 4 Ollin/Caban/Earthquake, the date the Aztecs think the world will end. Well, on SOME 4 Ollin, we don't know which one. (Unlike the Mayans, who left us the long count pointing to 2012 for whatever reason, the Aztecs only counted their years in sheafs of 52, and didn't include a solar month with their sacred calendar enddate). 500 years ago, they believed the 5th sun was already old and dying and the final 4 Ollin earthquake was eminent. So I guess it could be Thursday. If not Thursday, then in 9 months, on the next 4 Ollin (09-25-2009).
My subconscious must have known 4 Ollin, and possibly the end of the world, were coming, because I had a very odd end of the world dream, very short and very vivid.

In the dream, I sat in the living room of an apartment. My mother slept in the bedroom. It was night, and everyone knew the world was ending that evening. Although you'd think everyone would be outside, rioting, in reality, it everything was quiet. Two laptops sat open and on before me, and I turned them both off, shut the covers, and unplugged them, thinking rather sadly "this won't save them." I knew my mother was in denial and that's why she stayed alone in her room. (I have no idea where my husband, grandmother or pets were--they weren't in my dream consciousness at all--or why I was in an apartment.)
I walked over to the big picture window, maybe 3 or 4 stories up. The building was located on a hill, so I could see pretty far across a city whose lights twinkled below, spread out to the horizon. I couldn't stand the silence so I opened the window and leaned out and started shouting; I don't remember what I said. As I yelled, I saw the lights that were nearest the horizon go out. It was like a dark cloud was racing over the earth (probably the earth turning). I stopped yelling and watched the darkness spread toward me, EMP-ing everything electronic and killing everyone. I wished my mother was awake to watch with me (somehow that, and knowing my computers would be EMPed, were sadder than my own impending death). Watching the world die is a once in a lifetime thing, and here I was alone. The darkness blotted out everything I could once see, and came up the hill, and then it took me, even as I started shouting again.
I realized I was still standing there. I wasn't dead! I turned to feel my way to my mom's room and see if she also survived.
The darkness was complete--no moon, no ambient light. But somehow I never stumbled and my outstretched fingers never encountered furniture. Before I was halfway across the room, I realized that I was indeed dead, and my body was crumpled in front of the window.
But I wasn't a ghost; somehow all at once I realized (or was told) that I was an AI and my memories and sense of self had been transferred from my body at the instant the darkness hit. (Why the EMP wouldn't have taken out an AI, I don't know.) And I also knew that my mother hadn't been spared and she was dead, most everyone else was dead, and only a few were now AIs, but I didn't know how or why.
And that was it.

Here is a list of 4 Ollins between now and 2013
  • Friday, September 25, 2009
  • Saturday, June 12, 2010
  • Sunday, February 27, 2011
  • Monday, November 14, 2011
  • Tuesday, July 31, 2012 (143 days before 13th Baktun)
  • Wednesday, April 17, 2013 (117 days after 13th Baktun)
if you want to mark your calendar....or just buy mine!

(Image is from flickr)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My father’s ghost

I had one of my rare dreams the other night—a dream that I am in (as me) and involving people and places that actually exist. It was a long and complicated dream and I’ll spare you the details. But as part of it, I was hanging around with a bunch of ghosts. Not scary ghosts going “whooo” and rattling chains, simply spirits of dead people. One of them was my dad. And at first (in the dream) it was cool to have my dad’s ghost around—not much different from having a flesh-and-blood Alzheimer’s dad—there but not there, you know?

But as I spent more time trying to communicate with my father’s ghost, I realized something horrible. Something that stayed with me when I woke up, even as the other details of the dream faded away.

My father’s ghost still had Alzheimer’s.

How unfair is that? In the dream, and now, awake, I raged against that. That is not how it is supposed to be. If you have dementia, when you die, you get everything back. You have to. You die and you go to the Elsewhere bar and have a drink. Whatever it was your soul was supposed to learn (or teach you) by stripping away your memories and your personality, you learn it and have a good chuckle, and then you hold the door for some newcomers (8 per hour, just from the US).

You don’t come back as a sad, demented ghost.

I don’t know what in my psyche triggered that dream and I can only hope that it was wrong.

(cross posted to my Alzheimer's blog)

12.19.15.16.9 12 Mac 2 Muluc

Monday, November 19, 2007

Dreams & more

Today starts the assimilation days, and boy do I have a lot to assimilate.
Saturday night/Sunday morning I dreamed of Chichen Itza. When I got there, the Pyramid of Kukulcan was covered with vines and surrounded by a pool of water, very beautiful. I wanted to climb it, but instead I ended up going inside. (As far as I understand, that pyramid doesn't have an "inside"--there are no chambers, it's solid, or maybe has a core of older buildings.)
The walls inside were white, and the halls and chambered formed a spiral structure. When I got close to the walls I saw that someone had inscribed very elaborate pictures with a very thin stylus. Someone had taped big sheets of paper over it and was making rubbings, and someone else was coloring the rubbings, trying to make sense of the carvings. But there were hundreds, thousands, of square feet of these etchings/inscriptions and whoever was working on it had barely started. I wanted to help but I had the understanding, somehow, that it was a graduate student project, not a regular person project, and I wasn't welcome. The carvings were so fine you could only see them if you held a light at a slight angle. They were really amazing, because they were carved when there was no electric light. I can't remember all the chambers I went through, only the last one. There was an old man there, with dark hair and a beard. He didn't look Mexican. He was doing horoscopes. I went over to ask him how much a horoscope was. He answered me with a really weird denomination of money (I can't remember what it was) but whatever it was, the price was 3 of them. It was an existing unit of money but the initial letter was a t. Like "tollar" instead of dollar or "teso" instead of peso. I asked someone about it, and it turned out he was only charging $.30 (thirty cents). I wanted to order horoscopes for everyone I knew for that price!
And basically that's when the alarm started to go off, and I couldn't get back into the dream.
------
So my dad woke up, and is eating, but he still can't speak or communicate in any way. He still has a slight fever. It's just prolonging the inevitable, dragging out the pain. And for what?
------
My cat, Nutter, who has what might or might not be cancer, has gotten really thin and lethargic. He leaves the kitchen to use the litter box and sleep in a nest of blankets on the couch, but mostly he sleeps in the cat carrier--probably 22-23 hours a day. He fell when trying to jump onto the bathroom sink to drink. He walks really slow. His breathing is starting to be fast. Wednesday we're taking him to the vet for a check-up but I think it's going to be a one-way trip. :( The vet gave him 3 months to live and Wednesday will be exactly 7. How can I complain? I had him more than twice as long as I thought I would. He found friendship again with Sputz and the baby kitten, who both sleep with him and lick him.
Doesn't mean I won't be sad to kiss him goodbye.

12.19.14.15.1 4 Imix 9 Cen