Wednesday, December 20, 2006

dream lesson

I had a dream this morning. The actual content of the dream wasn't important because I got the message right away.
It was about me being in unequal relationships, where I give and others take. Wait, that's fair, isn't it? I'd like to get once in a while.
In the dream, I was in a relationship, which started out looking like it would be a mutual give/give type thing, but very soon, it degenerated into the give/take, and I was helpless and hopeless to break out of that cycle. Just like I feel in real life.
I keep taking on "volunteer" jobs which suck up enormous amounts of my time and energy, hoping that I can turn them into paying jobs, or at least use them as experience toward paying jobs. But instead they just lead me to more "volunteer" opportunities. I feel like I have no time for myself, and I still have very little money. I'm very frustrated.
Right now, I am doing the following "volunteer" work: editing at E-press, editing at the Shamballa Foundation, editing for a friend, writing for the ASC, and now I'm apparently part of a start-up group on a new publishing house--but no one's said anything about money yet. Plus all my own stuff, all my blogs, my web page, my own writing...who helps ME with that? No one. I've always got my hand to help (and today is Manik, after all, the helping hand) but when does someone hold their hand out to me? Even when I ask for help, I don't get it.
I submitted one article, as a test, to Associated Content. They were supposed to respond within 5 days on my payment and then put it online. That was 8 days ago and I've heard nothing. It's not online either. 8 Manik 0 Kankin

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