Abandonment

Of course, this all goes back to the abandonment issues I've been having. Now my kitty's left me too. Joyce is moving away next Thursday. I feel so alone.
I know that Zen's soul isn't gone, and yes he had a soul. Animals are born with spirits but when humans love them, they transfer a piece of soul to the animal. Spirits are re-absorbed into the great spirit of that type of animal, the Aumakua. I am sad for deer at the side of the road but they go back into the Deer Aumakua and come back as another deer next season. I guess Zen could choose to go into the Cat Aumakua but I hope he waits for me on the other side of the veil. He could play with Nippy, Streaker and Patches, and Alf-dog and my grandpa of course. He wouldn't be bored, and he could watch me whenever he wanted. I can't ever watch him again.
I know it's not about punishment, it's not karma, I've done nothing wrong, I love my pets and I care for them and bring them to the vet. Most of my pets choose to live many years with me--only Scarlett left me way to early at 6. (Prism's death had nothing to with me--she choose to leave the planet before I got her--she just got a chance to be loved by me before she went.) But I still feel battered and bruised and left behind.